Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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