You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We left the knife in your bed.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
