Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
