i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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