She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
should my penis look like a turkey
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
