That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
