i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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