I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
