this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
