Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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