ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
