i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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