Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
