I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
