When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
