You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We had sex on a dog bed..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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