do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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