i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
