Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
