Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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