You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
