Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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