I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
