he shaved USA in his pubs
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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