i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We need to get me chipped asap
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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