oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The air taste purple.
Randomize
