My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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