becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
