i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
