evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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