Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
