it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
