it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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