It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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