so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
