I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
