they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
