Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
