shes about as inviting as chlamydia
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
