***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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