Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
