Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
