wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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