Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
