I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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