I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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