the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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