Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
