i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
