Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
