Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sext me about skeletons
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
